


Flower Boy

by Narry5Eva



Category: Caspar Lee - Fandom, Joe Sugg - Fandom
Genre: Female Joe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narry5Eva/pseuds/Narry5Eva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe is a flower child. He is super cute and really smart. Everyone loves him and his friend Phil except for the jocks. They bully them.  Joe has a crush on Caspar. </p><p>Caspar is the most popular boy in their school along with Zoe, Alfie, Marcus, Naomi, Louise, Dan, Jim, Tanya and the Harries twins. </p><p>Lets say something happens and Caspar is there to save him. Will Joe's crush turn into something more? Will Caspar feel the same?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

It wasn't always like this. Phil and I used to be the quiet ones. Nobody liked us. People were judging us based off of what we wore. I'm talking about flower crowns. Everyone called us faggots for wearing something 'only a girl could wear'. We were hated on because we liked boybands. Because we were different from them in all aspects of life. The boys at my middle school lived for girls and sex. There was nothing more and nothing less to it. Me and Phil liked flower crowns and boybands.

All that changed when we entered Rose Gold High School. We we're still the only flower boys at our school but it was different now. Nobody looked at us with judging eyes. It helps when your sister is on the top of the chain. She was only a year older than me but people still loved her more. I was known as the gay problematic one and my sister. Well she was known as the beautiful elegant one. I don't understand why I was the gay problematic one. Yeah, I am gay but the only problematic thing I had was deciding if I should wear my rose gold flower crown or my colorful flower crown.

Now, in high class, everyone loved us. Phil and I were known as the cute flower boys. Everyone except the jocks. It's been one month into freshmen year and Phil has already gotten the attention of a certain Mr. popular.

His name is Dan Howell. He has a brown fringe and chocolate brown eyes. I know this because he's friends with my sister and we're partners for a project. He always talks about Phil whenever he comes over to hang out with Zoë. I can hear through the thin wall that separates my room from Zoës.

It's honestly really cute because Phil has a crush on him too. I can imagine them walking down the halls, holding hands. I also imagine Caspar kissing me for internity. Gosh, I'm whipped. I need to stop. Whenever he comes over, he just ignores me. That hurts really bad.

I asked Zoë about Caspar and why he hates me so much. All she said was that he doesn't hate me. I get slightly uncomfortable when I see his 'mad' face. I don't like when people get mad at me for no reason at all. Even though it's not directed towards me.

For example, he will be talking to one of the jocks (I don't bother to memorize their names) and all of a sudden he will get mad. Then he looks directly at me and his expression softens a little. That's how I know that his anger isn't directed towards me.

Caspars POV

I swear to God, my heart melted when I first saw Joe. He was only a seventh grader when me and Zoë first became friends. I would always go over to their house just so I could see Joe. Of course he didn't know that because he was too busy being cute. His flower crowns made him look even more beautiful. My favorite one was the white and rose gold one.

Ever since he started high school, I noticed that he notices me now. Every time I catch him looking at me, he blushes and beautiful red.

Zoë told me that Joe asked her why I hate him. It did shock me a little because wtf. This boy is my life. I've been crushing on him for 2 years now. I tend to ignore him because I know I can't have him so I'm not going to bother him. Of course, Zoë know about my not so little crush on Joe.

Lately, whenever I hang around with the Jocks, I get really mad because how could they take about my precious Joe like he's dirt. I always get red in the face because of that, but whenever I look at Joe, my heart starts fluttering and my facial expression softens. He's gonna be the death of me.

Ooh let's talk about Dan. I swear, he's in love with Phil. He's cute and all but nothing compared my cute little flower boy. I can tell that they both like each other so I'm going to try and set them up. That means Phil and Joe will have to sit with us at lunch if phan starts dating. Crap!

I just hope Joe doesn't find out about my feelings. I don't want my flower boy to look at me with a disgusted expression.


	2. 2

Zoë's POV

I know the look Caspar gives my brother. He's not exactly what you call subtle. But it's honestly so cute how Joe and Cas both love each other so much. You would think after knowing each other for a year, they would finally get the hint but nooo. They're so oblivious. I was hoping they would get together sooner so I could stop making up stories about the two. I know I shouldn't but I like to write short stories about my brother and Cas and so far i have 34K views and 1.31k votes.

I honestly don't understand how Joe got the idea that Caspar hates him when all Caspar does is give him heart eyes. Sometimes I walk in on them cuddling and it makes my heart melt. Actually, truth be told, everyone in our group low key ships Caspar and Joe. Even Phil ships it and he's Joe's friend.

One time, Caspar and I went shopping and I dragged Joe along with us. I purposely made Caspar walk between us and from the corner of my eye, I saw their hands brush and their cheeks blush. It was so cute. Another time, Caspar wanted to give Joe something for his birthday and he ended up getting him a flower crown. He was too shy to give it to him so he told me to hand it to him. I, obviously, told him that it was from Caspar. He was mad at me for spilling the beans but seeing Joe smile that wide for the first time in 3 years, made it all worth it.

Joe's POV

Caspar makes me so unbelievably happy. What's cute is when he wraps his arms around my waist from behind and I look down to see that shadow of two become one. He does it at school in front of everyone. I always scold him for it. I don't want him to lose his popularity because of me. I care too much for him to get hurt because of me. I try to ignore him at school just because I know he's friends with the jocks. They warned me about sending too much time with Caspar. They don't want me to 'spread the gay'; whatever the fuck that means.

I love how everyone at this school thinks that they have me figured out but they don't even know the basics about me. I literally hate everyone here; they're so annoying. How am I supposed to deal with this for the next four years of my life. It's already bad that I graduate in 2019. UGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

"Hi beautiful." A pair of arms wrap around my waist.

Caspar. I turn around in his arm and wrap my arms around his neck. We hug for a while before I let go. I saw the jocks giving me dirty looks.

"H-hey"

"want to hang out afterschool?"

"S-sure."

"Love your flower crown by the way"

"You gave it to me"

"It looks beautiful on you, babe"

"Thanks."

"No problem. I'll see you later, love" with that, he kissed my check and left.

Caspar didn't know a lot of things about me because I didn't want to worry him. One thing he didn't know was that the jocks didn't like me and therefore would tend to threaten me by sending me hateful and hostile notes. They couldn't physically bully me because Caspar was always with me. They knew about how angry Caspar gets if one of his friends is getting hurt by someone. It is honestly so scary and I never want to see that side of him because he always tends to break things and say what's on his mind.

Caspar didn't know that I was crushing on him. He didn't know that I know about her. That her being his current girlfriend; I know that it's all just fake. Everyone except me thinks its real. Caspar is as straight as a bendable ruler. He goes for both teams but leans more for dicks.

Don't tell Zoé this but umm me and Caspar kinda almost kissed when he came over yesterday. I really think that he likes me but the better part of me knows that he doesn't. He has had too many hot boyfriend to all of a sudden lower his standards for me. I hate this. I am nothing compared to his male ex's.

*********After School*********

"Hey babe"

"Hi Cas"

"ready to go?"

"Umm yeah."

Once we get in the car, Caspar starts a conversation which then turns into an argument and back into him calling me cute.

"I already told Zoé that you are going to spend the night at mine"

"I-I didn't agree to that"

"Im sorry. I just thought that you'd want to stay after all we're best friends and I really wanted you to spend the night. I'll call Zoé and tell her..."

"Caspy. It was a joke" I silently laugh to myself.

"You're lucky you're cute or I would've been mad"

"I'm not cute. I'm manly"

"Yeah as manly as Harry Styles"

"Hey! He is to"

"No hun. He's really not. More on the feminine side if I do say so myself" Don't tell him that I agree. Don't want him to get a huge ego.

"Whatever. He's hot af anyways"

"Hey! The only person you're supposed to call hot is me" He did not just say that. Omg

"Umm... what?"

"I'm the only person you can call hot, babe" oh my god.

"Yeah I heard you but why?"

"That, my friend, is a story for another time."

Is he serious?

"What the fuck, Caspar?"

"Don't swear, you innocent little fucker"

"Why do you get to swear and I don't?"

"Because you're cute and innocent and I'm not"

This guy, I swear to god.

"Im not cute. I'm..."Caspar is quick to interrupt me.

"Manly...I know babe I know"

"Stop calling me babe, Casp _" it makes me feel a certain type of way._

"how about sugarplum?"

"the fuck, no"

"Don't swear. Pumpkin?"

"Absolutely not"

"boobear?"

"no"

"slut?"

"I am not a slut"

"just kidding, love"

I swear to god if he doesn't stop, im gonna jump off of a bridge.

Not literally. It's a metaphor.


	3. Chapter 3

I've been at Caspar's house for 5 minutes and he already is being cute and giving me weird names. I really hate this guy. Who calls someone baby-bugga-boo? That's ugly.

"Caspar no. You're not going to call me baby-bugga-boo."

"Ugh fine. You're so picky. How about my twinkle toes?"

"No"

**"flower boy?"**

"That doesn't sound bad

"great. You're my flower boy."

"Not yet" I whisper to myself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!!"

I plan on keeping my crush on Caspy a secret. He can never find out. It would be horrible if he found out. I like how we can easily talk to each other and act like a couple. It's not awkward like it would be if we were to date.

"Joe?"

"Yeah"

"I need to tell you something"

"what is it?"

"I think I might be in love with y- I mean my girlfriend"

Oh. That really hurts. Can't believe that I actually thought that I had a chance with him. My heart is literally broken now.

"That's great" My tone of voice reveals my true feelings on this subject

"Are you alright, Joe?"

"yeah, yeah."

I have to be happy for him. It doesn't matter if he likes me or not. I should've never gotten my hopes up. There are tears in my eyes but I can't show Caspar that I'm sad.

My phone vibrates and I check to see that I received 5 messages from an unknown number.

**You thought Caspar would like someone as disgusting as you.**

**You're so feminine. He doesn't like feminine boys. You fucking ugly duck**

**Stop being happy.**

**No one should be as happy as you.**

**Stop existing**

I normally don't let stuff like this get to me but this time it hurts because my brain agrees with whoever this is. This is when I let the tears roll down my face.

"Casp" I sort of whispered.

"Yes babe"

He hadn't noticed that I was crying.

"Can you take me home?"

"Why? You don't want to stay" He seemed sad but it's probably just my imagination.

"Please"

"Baby why are you crying?"

He hugs me and I keep on crying. I just don't want to be here right now.

"Just take me home Caspar and stop calling me babe"

"I'm not letting you go until you tell me what's wrong"

"Please Casp. I just want to go home. "

"Ok babe"

"Stop calling me babe"

"Why"

"I don't want you to"'

I swear I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes but I can't let that get to me. He doesn't mean anything when he calls me all those cute names so what's the point. He might as well stop.

He finally gives in to me and takes me home. I give him a short goodbye and leave his car. Usually, I would hug him but I'm too broken right now. I hate my life. I rush into my room before Zoé can see me or question me. I hate when people pity me especially when it's coming from my sister. A.s soon as I gt to my room, I'm balling my eyes out. Why does this always happen to me? People always play with me and in the end they fall in love with their fake girlfriends. I'm so done with crushes and love. It's time I give up on them. No one can love me so its whatever. I have to keep my façade for everyone though. I can't let anyone know that I'm hurting.

My phones starts vibrating nonstop. 15 new messages from an unknown number.

**Stupid bitch**

**You really are an ugly duckling.**

**I hate you**

**You really think people like you.**

**Everyone likes your friend, Phil. No one likes you.**

**Why do you exist?**

**Pathetic**

**Take that stupid flower headband off.**

**It doesn't even look good on you.**

**Stop trying to be a girl.**

**Stay away from Caspar, you freak**

**He doesn't even like you**

**He's only pretending**

**You should do the world a favor**

**Kill yourself**

I take my flower crown off of my head and put it with my other flower crowns. Hot tears are rolling down my check like a waterfall. I can't contain my sobs. I have to stop talking to Caspar and stop wearing flower crowns. I don't care if I hurt Caspar by ignoring him but it's what's best for him. I'm crying so hard that my breath shortens and I feel tired out. I didn't hear Zoé come into my room but I feel two arms wrap around me. I hug her and continue crying.

"Joe, whats wrong?"

I just hand her my phone so she can read all the messages. I can tell she has tears rolling down her eyes. Brotherly instinct.

"Joe.. you know none of that is true."

"I-i-it is. P-please don't t-tell C-caspar."

"I won't Joe. I won't. Don't you dare listen to whoever this person is. I love you and so does Phil and the people at school."

"I know you guys don't. It's fine."

***********next day***********

I woke up late today because after I had finished crying, I did my homework. My eyes were red and my papers had tear marks on them. I was going to put my flower crown on but decided against it. No one likes it on me so what's the point. I usually go to school with Caspar but I told Zoé that I wanted to go with her instead. She understood and texted Caspar that I would go with her. At school, Caspar tried to hug me from behind like he usually does but I didn't let him. He tried to talk to me but I just ignored him. I walked away because I was done with everyone. Phil was waiting for me by his locker and when he saw me, his eyes widened and his expression changed from happy to worried really quick.

"Where's your flower crown?"

"Home"

"Why aren't you wearing it?"

"I didn't want to."

"Don't lie to me Joe."

"I'm not. It only looks good on you" I started walking to my class which I had with the jocks.

"Joe wait up"

"Just go to your boyfriend, Phil. I want to be alone"

In class, I sit in the front so I can pay attention. I felt something being thrown at me and when I looked down, I saw balls of paper surrounding my desk. I opened one of them and it read:

**What's it like knowing everyone hates you?**

**Pathetic**

**You're a joke**

**Nobody will ever love you**

**You don't do anything right**

I didn't realize that I had started to cry. I asked to be excused and left the room with my things. I went to Zoé's car to hide out in there. I balled my eyes out again and tried to hurt myself. Keyword: tried. Somehow, Caspar had found me.


	4. Chapter 4

Caspar isn't supposed to be here. What is he doing here? He can't see me like this and I most definitely cannot talk to him. He knocks on my window indicating that he wants me to unlock the car. I let him in just this once. As soon as he's in the car, he pulls me into his arm. I'm still crying. I'm not sure how to stop the tears.

"Baby?"

"D-don't call me that"

"What the matter, Joe?"

"Nothing."

"That's clearly something wrong."

"Nothing wrong, Caspar. I just want to be alone."

"Babe.."

"Casp, p-please d-don't call me that"

"Why not, Joe?"

"I don't want you to call me that. Go back to your slut of a girlfriend."

"Joe, she's not a slut. You have no right to talk about her like that"

"Just like you don't have the right to call me babe or baby or whatever other shit you want to call me"

"Joe, this isn't like you. Tell me what's wrong"   

"Nothing"

"Jojo. You're not even wearing your flower crown today and you wear them every day."

"They only look good on people who are hot or cute. I'm just an ugly duck"

"Joe, you're not an ugly duck. You are cute and you will wear your flower crowns again"

"No, I'm happy without them"

"That's a fucking lie. I'm going to find out what's going on with you."

I burst into tears once again because somehow I stopped crying during our conversation. I deserve to be happy. The only way I can be happy is if Caspar stops talking to me. I know it wouldn't really do anything but make me miserable but I rather Caspar hang out with his group and not around the lonely fuck up. Soon, I'm left by myself in Zoé's car. I don't know what to do. Everybody hates me.

My phone vibrates uncontrollably. Please, no. I can't deal with it.

It was Caspar.

**You actually think I like you? Ha you wish. I could never love an ugly queer like you. You are nothing but a fuck up and the only reason I even bother talking to you is because of your sister. You don't even deserve to have her as your sister. She's beautiful and you? You're just ugly.**

**Kill yourself faggot**

He finally spoke his mind. I hate myself. I decided to go back to school and ask Zoë to drive me back home. I can't do this. I had scratched my wrists and since I had scissors in my bag, you can only imagine what I did. I didn't make my cuts too deep because I don't want to ruin Zoë's car. Once, I reached my locker, I dial the combination and take my things out that I need. I had pulled my sleeves down and went over to Zoë and guess what. She's talking to Caspar. I don't bother making eye contact with him and tap Zoë on the shoulder. She turns around and looks at my red face.

"C-can y-you t-take m-me home?"

"Are you okay, Joe?"

"N-no" I whisper but both Caspar and Zoë heard me.

"Joe?" I flinch as Caspar tries to hug me.

I ignore him, though.

"Zo, please."

"Alright let's go. I'll be back Cas."

I walk away before Caspar can say anything to me. Zoë follows me to her car. She starts the car and drives me home. I run up to my room and cuddle up in my bed and start sobbing. That's all I seem to be able to do nowadays.

"Joe, what happened? You never skip school."

I hand her my phone and tell her to open the one from Caspar. Zoë reads the message and gasps.

"Joe, that's not Caspar. He loves you. He wouldn't do that"

I burst out laughing because what the fuck. My sister actually thinks that Mr. Popular actually likes me. She's gone insane. Well, I'm going insane right now.

"you think he loves me? Are you fucking crazy Zoë?"

"I know he does."

"He only loves his girlfriend. It doesn't even matter. That message says everything. I don't need you sticking up for him. I'm your brother and he's only your friend. I guess you rather choose your friend over me."

"That's not true Joe"

"Just leave."

"but joe"

"Just fucking leave."

I'm being rude to my own sister, but I can't believe it. She's taking his side and not her own brothers.

Zoe's POV

I know that's not Caspar. It can't be him. He loves Joe too much. Caspar ranted to me when Joe ignored him this morning. I know it's not my place to tell him about Joe's problem, but only Caspar can help him. After Joe had practically kicked me out of his room after I took Caspar's side. It kind of hurt me when he got mad at me. He probably won't tell me anything ever again.

Once I had gotten back to school, I rushed to find Caspar. He was by his locker looking really sad.

"Caspar" He looks up at me.

"yeah"

"Did you send that message to Joe?"

"What message?"

"Let me see your phone"

He hands me his phone and I immediately check his messages. I found the text and Joe had gotten. I showed Caspar the message and he reads it over.

"That wasn't me, Zoë"

"I know, but Joe doesn't"

"I swear I didn't send him that text." He looks really upset.

"I love him too much to do that" he whisper's but I heard him.

"who could've sent it?"

"I gave my phone to the one of the jocks at lunch because he needed to text his mom since his had died."

"He sent Joe that message. Omg and Joe hate's you now."

"H-he hates me?"

"I think so. He reacted really badly when I told him that you hadn't sent that text."

Caspar starts crying. Oh god.

I take Caspar to my car so I can tell him about what's going on with Joe.

"So, I need to tell you something. I know I shouldn't."

"What is it?"

"Joe has been getting messages from an unknown number and they are really rude. I brought Joes phone so I can show you."

I hand him Joe's phone and show him the messages. You can see the anger swimming in his eyes.

"That's Josh's number. He's the jock I gave my phone too."

"That one problem solved. Now we have to fix Joe. I saw the cuts on his arms."

"HE WHAT?"

"cut himself"

"oh god, My poor baby. I need to talk to him Zoë"

"He can't know that I told you any of this."


	5. Chapter 5

honestly didn't feel all too well the next day so I skipped school again. Phil, being the best friend he is, came over yesterday. I told him about the messages and the text from Caspar. He listened to me and lend a shoulder to cry on. He stayed for 2 hours and all we did was talk and cuddle. Friends can do that too ya know. I also figured out that Zoe had told all of her friends because they all texted me asking if I was ok or if they needed to beat someone up for me. They only person who didn't text me was Caspar. Well, I had blocked him so he couldn't message me even if he wanted too. While Phil was over, I had received 5 more hate messages. Phil had deleted them before I could read them. I told him everything that had happened at school, as well, but I didn't mention anything about my cuts. I'm not the type of person who kisses and tells.

Just before Phil left, Zoë had come home from her date with Alfie. He was the nicest to me out of the whole group. Probably because the guy is too deep in love with my sister. I had ignored her when she came into my room to drop off my homework. Does she actually think that I wouldn't find out about her telling her friends?

_At least she has friends_

I have Phil

_He thinks you're pathetic_

Umm no he doesn't

_He spends most of his time with Dan_

They're boyfriends

_He abandoned you_

He has someone who loves him so he's going to choose him

_That's right. You, the ugly duckling, have no one_

I don't care

_Remember when you thought you had a chance with Caspar_

Stop

_And then he messaged you and said all those things_

I don't care. I don't like him

_That's what you think_

_But you know ugly people don't deserve to live_

_Like you_

_You should really slit your arms._

Why?

_You got to_

Oh

Guess who won that fight? My brain. Cutting seemed to be the only way to stop my heart from hurting. I felt so happy after I did it. I love the rush of endorphin and calmness and relief that makes me feel like everything is okay. I've never felt so calm. This is just what I need to get over Caspar and to forget him. Maybe along the way, I can actually succeed in doing the harmful deed. It's not going to affect anyone.  My parents care mostly about Zoë. In a family where there are only two kids, the oldest child gets the most love. In a three member family, the middle child gets no love.

5 new messages from unknown number

**Hey, ugly**

**Did you kill yourself yet?**

**We didn't see you at school**

**It was so much better without you**

**Caspar looked so happy and relieved to get rid of you.**

I honestly don't even care. I feel so tired after cutting. I decided to go to sleep and skip school again. No one even cares. Maybe, I'll go with Zoë and as soon as she's out of my sight, I can go the alley on the way to school. Nobody will find me there.

3 new message from Caspar

**Joe, baby. I swear to god that I didn't send that text to you. I do like you.**

**Don't kill yourself, beautiful**

**You're fucking perfect.**

I decided to reply to him and tell him to leave me the fuck alone.

**_To: Caspar_ **

**_Stop. Don't say anything you don't mean. Just please leave me alone._ **

**From: Caspar**

**Joe please don't do this. You know I mean everything I just said. I swear to god, I don't want you to kill yourself.**

**_To: Caspar_ **

**_It's for the best, Caspar._ **

**From: Caspar**

**What is?**

**_To: Caspar_ **

**_If you stop talking to me_ **

**From: Caspar**

**No it's not. Why are you running away from me, babe?**

**_To: Caspar_ **

**_I'm not. I just don't want to be around anyone anymore_ **

**From: Caspar**

**You know what? If that's what you want, then fine.**

He's gone. Just like that.

**From: Caspar**

**You're so ungrateful. Wonder why your sister hasn't left you.**

Oh.

After cutting some more, I eventually run out of energy and fall asleep, right on the bathroom floor. Somehow, I woke up in my bed in the morning.

WAIT...

Someone saw my cuts and my wrists are bandaged.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I need to avoid everyone as much as possible. They can't know about this. No one can find out.

After that little episode, I got dressed for school in my baggiest clothes. I've stopped eating as much as I used to because nowadays I don't feel like being myself. I'm not comfortable with myself. I figured out who saw my cuts. It was Caspar. Zoë had him come over last night so they could work on a project. He had to go to the bathroom but the one in Zoë's room was occupied so he came to my room. Since I hadn't closed my bathroom door or locked the door to my room, he walked in and saw me lying on the bathroom floor. He bandaged my arms and picked me up and put me on my bed. Of course, Zoë doesn't know about him bandaging my arms up. I stopped wearing half sleeves so she doesn't see it.

As we reach the school, I get ready to escape the hell hole that is my school. When I get out the car, my eyes meet Caspars. His eyes travel down to my wrists. I pull my sleeves down even more and wait for Zoë to leave. Once, I'm sure that I'm the only one left, I turn around and walk the opposite direction. The alley isn't dark. There's a little light so I can make out everything inside. 

I thought I was alone when someone comes up to me and pics me to the wall. It's one of the Jocks. I don't know their names so I call them the jocks. He started cursing me out and punching me. Being the weakling I am, I don't stop him.

"I thought I told you to stop existing, faggot"

Punch

"Caspar doesn't like you."

Punch

"Everyone hates you"

Punch

"Caspar told me about you cutting and how pathetic you are"

Punch

"Next time cut deeper"

Kick to my sides

"Fucking bitch"

Another kick

"I hope you die"

That's when I start to lose consciousness. All I know is that, its about to end and I'm not even sad about it.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up in a place surrounded by white walls, white sheets, white bed, and white tables. I don't know where I am. Last thing I remember is getting knocked out. I thought that maybe I was actually on the verge of dying but who am I kidding. Even god isn't going to take me back that easily. He wants to torture me till the end of my time. I just want to know what freak saved me. I'm supposed to be dead but all I have is broken ribs, and purplish bruises covering my small pale body. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be up in heaven right now.

I looked to my left to see if there was any water for me to drink but all I saw was a crown full of beautiful flowers. Different shades of pink and red and different sizes. It looks so beautiful but I know I can't wear it. It doesn't belong to me. I can't be seen wearing a flower crown because it doesn't suit me. Not even a beautiful flower can fix a droopy one. Nothing can fix me. I thought that maybe cutting would help. It does. It takes the extremely excruciating pain you feel and replaces it with a sensation of peace and calmness. It gives you that happy feeling that you haven't been able to experience. Cutting is like the rainbow after a rainy day.

I was too lost in my thought that I didn't see Phil come in. Dan was with him, of course. They both look like they've cried their eyes out. Imagination.

"hey"

"Hi phan"

"Who's Phan?"

"You and Phil"

"oh"

"What are you guys doing here?"

"We're here to see you"

"Don't waste your time"

"We're not."

"Why am I here?"

"Don't you remember?"

"I know I got beat up and lost all consciousness but why am I here?"

"Caspar found you and he was scared that you died so we brought you here"

"So none of you guys actually cared if I had died but Caspar did. The same Caspar who told me that my sister shouldn't even talk to me. The same Caspar who called me an ugly queer. The same Caspar who called me a fuck up and told me to kill myself."

"Joe, you know it wasn't him. He wouldn't say those things to you"

"Stop sticking up for him, Phil. I'm your best friend but I guess you're too far up his ass to stick with your best friend"

"Joe, what is wrong with you? You have no right to talk to Phil like that. Caspar is his friend too."

"I see how it is. You choose your friend over your best friend."

"Joe..."

"I get it. Everyone likes Caspar because he is the cutest boy in the school. You only care about Caspar's lame ass stories so you won't even care if I tell you the truth. Some friend you are"

"Jojo..."

"Just leave."

"Joe hear him out"

"Leave."

Once they leave, I break down into tears. Everyone just leaves me. No one sticks around. My parents only stick around for Zoë. They don't want a fuck up. No one does. I broke a three year old friendship because of a fucking dickhead. Why the hell do I have feelings for him?

"Joe" I hear a whisper. Caspar

I try to back up further into the wall as I can but it's no use.

"Yeah..."

"I'm sorry"

Um what the fuck

"Sorry about saving me? Because I am too"

"No Jojo. I'm sorry about all the texts that were sent from my phone. I'm sorry I let Josh use my phone. I didn't know he was going to text you. I never want you to kill yourself."

"Stop. Don't apologize for something you don't mean"

"Baby. I mean it."

"No stop."

"I'm sorry I'm the reason you felt the need to cut yourself.

"wait... h-how do you k-know?"

"Zoé told me"

"She what?"

"Told me that you were cutting. Why didn't you come to me, Joe? I want to help you."

"Y-you c-can't help me. I was scared you would leave. And you did"

"I can't if you won't let me. Baby, please. I never left you my precious flower boy. I wouldn't think of it."

I let him pull me into a hug. He was very gentle because of all the wires. He pressed a small kiss to my forehead.

"I love you Joe. Don't let anyone tell you that I hate you"


	7. Chapter 7

Two months later  
It's been a few months since I start going back to school. At first, I had wanted to drop out but I know my parents don't want to see me so I decided not to follow through with it. Since school will be over in a few months, I decided to move out of my parents house. I have gotten a job at ASDA and it pays well. I have saved up and so far I have about £300. No one knows about my plans because I know someone would rat me out to Zoë.   
Me and Caspar have gotten close again but not like before. I stopped wearing my flower crowns and started being more masculine. I don't like it though. I just don't feel like myself. Phil commented on it and told me not to change myself for other. Caspar has been acting different around me for some reason and it's starting to get worrisome. I'm not sure it's because of my sudden outfit change or something else.   
Every since I've started wearing men clothing, I've been getting bullied a lot less and a lot of people have been checking me out. Everyone was so surprised when they saw me in this attire.  It makes me very uncomfortable because well I don't like anyone here. Zoe's friends have started to talk to me and that s a big deal because they are the Popular group and all of them are seniors.  
"Hi uhh Joe"  
"Hi Casp."  
"When are you going to start wearing your flower crowns again?"  
"We've already talked about this like 5 times in the past hour."  
"Cmon babe. You look really fucking uncomfortable wearing men clothes."  
"It doesn't matter. I'm not getting bullied anymore "  
"Babe, I'll protect you. Just please stop wearing men clothing. Go back to being you."   
"I can't, Casp."  
"Go back to being my flower boy"  
"That's the thing, Casp. I'm not your flower boy. I'm not a flower boy. I have to be more manly so people will accept me. I can't go back to being me  because then I'll get bullied. I'll start cutting and you won't be there to save me then. No one will."  
"Jojo. Don't do this to yourself."  
"Casp, please"  
"You're not the same Joe I fell in love with..."   
"Y-y-you what?"  
"Shit. Did I say that out loud?"  
"Yes"  
And he ran off. Well, that was interesting. Who knew that my old feminine self would have made Caspar fall for me. I love him too.   
Did I mention that Caspar broke up with his girlfriend last month?  
***After school***  
To: Caspy 


	8. Chapter 8

Not much has changed since that day. Caspar asked me out for our first date. It was magical. It wasn't anything fancy but he took me too his favorite spot. It's by a lake and it's secluded. The tree branches formed an arch which made it feel like I was walking up to Caspar like a bride does. It was honestly so beautiful. He had set up a picnic and fairy lights around the branches.  
We haven't told anyone about us yet because I don't want to be a fling and if we end up breaking for some reason, everyone is going to gang up on me.   
I have been wearing my flower crowns again but only the ones that aren't pink. I don't want to get bullied again. Caspar has even bought me some since our first date. It's been a month and I'm honestly more happy.  
Speaking of Caspar, I should go get ready for school. He will be here to pick me up any minute now and I don't want him to see me like this. I'm a hot mess. After getting dressed, I pick out a flower crown and place it gently on my head.  As I'm wearing my shoes, I see Caspars car pull up in my driveway. I make my way downstairs and to his car and buckle myself. I lean over and give him a quick kiss.   
"Hey baby"  
"Hi"  
"How's my flower boy?"  
"I'm good and yourself?"  
"I'm great. In fact I've been amazing ever since our date"   
I blush at his comment. I grab his hand which is resting on my leg and entwine our fingers. This feels really nice. I could be here like this forever.  
"Babe?"  
"Mmmm"  
"I've been meaning to ask you something"   
"Yeah?"  
"Will you be my boyfriend?"  
I look up with a surprised look on my face but I say yes none the less.  
"I want the whole school to know that you're mine"  
"B-but Casp... What if they bully me again?"  
"I'll protect you babe. My friends adore you. They'll protect you too"  
"Can we keep it a secret from everyone else?"  
"If that's what you want, baby"  
"Ok you can tell your friends then and I'll tell Phil since he is my only friend"   
"Yeah... About that... I kinda already told Dan and Phil that we went on a date"  
"Oh...."  
The rest of the ride went by fast and we had reached school. We couldn't hold hands and I was itching to hold his. His touch brought me warmth and it made me feel safe and protected. We walked in together, side by side. After a quick hug, we parted ways. As I approached my locker, I saw something disgustingly cute. Dan had Phil pinned up against my locked and they were making out.   
"Can you guys keep it together for a few minutes? And keep it away from my locker?"  
"Nope" said Phil with a smile  
"God Phil."  
"You have some talking to do" Dan said as they stepped away from my locker.   
I opened my locker and asked "talking about what?"  
"Your date" they blurted  
"I thought Casp would have told you, Dan"  
"He did"  
"So..."  
"I want to know from you about how you think it went"  
"He took me to a place that's very special to him. He had fairy lights and a picnic set up. It was the best date ever and we mostly made out."  
"Oh my god! That is so adorable" squealed Phil   
"Are you guys boyfriends yet"  
"Yes"  
"OMG MY OTP IS CANNON"  
Oh my god, Phil. Literally, people in Canada could hear him.  
People were staring at us because of Phil's little outburst. Dan managed to quiet him down and was shooting glares at everyone who was giving us dirty looks.  
I closed my locker and decided to head to class. Phil and I were walking together since we shared that class.   
Caspars POV  
I decided to tell Zoë first since she is Joes sister. I have to after all get her approval and I know Joe doesn't want me to tell Zoë for personal reasons but if I tell Alfie, he is surely to tell her. Zoë would definitely kill me then.  
I see her at her locker and decide to talk to her. No better time then the present.   
"Umm... Zoë?"  
"Yes Casp?" She said closing her locker  
"I have to tell you something"  
"Go on"  
"Before you freak out on me, I just want to say that I love him very much and I would never ever hurt him. I just want him to be happy and I seem to make him happy. I know he's precious and I will never ever make him feel unloved"  
"What's this about?"  
I take a deep breath   
"I'm dating Joe"   
"That's great, Casp. Just don't hurt my little brother. If you do then I will hurt you regardless of our friendship"  
"I won't. I promise"  
"Good"  
"Umm can you not mention this to Joe. He...uh.... Didn't want me to tell you about us"  
"What why?"  
"He never said why?"  
"I won't say anything to him. You make him very happy, you know. I haven't seen him this happy since he was 11. Just treat him right, Casp."  
"Dont worry. I will treat him better than everyone else"  
Now to tell the others...


	9. 9

2 months into dating and now all of our friends know. Caspar wanted to tell the school but I was so scared so I said no. Caspar being the best boyfriend that he is, he let it go. He didn't force me into anything. We've been really happy together and Caspar treats me like a prince. He told me that he had told Zoe about us and I was upset with him for that but I'm over it now. I just didn't want to tell her because I didn't want to talk to her. It wasn't her fault, its just I still dont feel comfortable around people. Caspar and Phil are an exception. Caspar's been my light throughout this year and I love him, I really do. I shouldve believed him when he said that he never texted me those things but I guess my insecurities and anxiety got the best of me.

I do talk to Zoe and her friends now but its still weird. According to her, they always accepted me but it sure as hell didn't feel like it. Alfie was the only one who actually liked me.

Anyways, me and Caspar are going strong and we have had fights but they weren't violent or anything. The extent of our fight was me not wearing what I was comfortable in. I don't get why he keeps questioning it when he knows the reason why. I don't want him to worry too much so I've been keeping a secret.

Im getting bullied again. Not physically but words hurt. Its funny how things never change in this old town.

Its not as severe now. I can just say something nice and they back off. KIll them with kindness, ya know.

"babe, what are you thinking about?"

Oh, I forgot to mention I'm in Casp's bad right now.

"Nothing"

"mmm..."

"Actually, I was listening to this song and it reminds me of us."

"OOh, sing it to me, baby boy"

_Waking up to kiss you and nobodys there_

_The smell of your cologne still stuck in the air_

_Its Hard_

_Yesterday I thought I saw your shadow running round_

_Its funny how things never change in this old town_

_So far from the stars_

_And I want to tell you everything_

_The words I never got to say the first time around_

_And I remember everything_

_From when we were the children playing in this fairground_

_Wish I was there with you now_

_If the whole world was watching Id still dance with you_

_Drive highways and byways to be there with you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_I saw that you moved on with someone new_

_In the pub that we met shes got her arms around you_

_Its so hard_

_So Hard_

_And I want to tell you everything_

_The words I never got to say the first time around_

_And I remember everything_

_From when we were the children playing in this fairground_

_Wish I was there with you now_

_Cos if the whole world was watching Id still dance with you_

_Drive highways and byways to be there with you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_You still make me nervous when you walk in the room_

_Them butterflies they come alive when Im next to you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_And I know that its wrong_

_That I cant move on_

_But theres something about you_

_If the whole world was watching Id still dance with you_

_Drive highways and byways to be there with you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_You still make me nervous when you walk in the room_

_Them butterflies they come alive when Im next to you_

_Over and over the only truth_

_Everything comes back to you_

_(Everything comes back to you_ )

"That's beautiful and I love your voice, gorgeous"

"Caaaaaaasp "

"Joeeeeeeeeee"

"Im not gorgeous"

"Yes you are baby and I love you "

"I love you too Casp"

A few hours later....

"Baby?"

"Yes, love"

"Can we come out?"

"I-I d-don't know"

"They cant hurt you baby. I will protect you."

"O-o-ok if you want to"

"Thanks baby. Ill make sure none hurts my princess"

He leans over and kisses my lips. Its soft and gentle. I move into his lap with my arms around his neck and his around my waist.

"mmm I love you"

"I love you too baby"

..... and you know what happened after that.

Don't be dirty, fam

He got hungry and went to get lunch for us both.


	10. The End

Fast forward to 4 years

Today is my graduation. I've come so far since freshmen year. I made it through all the bullying and I made it through this year without Casp with me 24/7. He graduated last year and was at the top of his class. He has since our 1 year anniversary made a YouTube channel and he already has 3 million subscribers. Actually, Zoe and most of their friends had very successful YouTube channels. They tried to convince me but I told them that I didn't want to be judged by some strangers on the internet for who I am. They left me alone after that.

*skip graduation ceremony*

"I'm so proud of you baby." A husky voice whispered in my ear from behind me. I felt arms wrap around me and press a kiss to my neck.

"I wouldn't have if it wasn't for you" I say as I turn around in his arms and and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I love you angel" Casp said and pressed his lips to mine. Our lips moved against each other's. He swipes his tongue against my bottom lips and I grant him entrance. Our tongues mingling together in a hot kiss.

"I love you too" I said. We were in our own world and I didn't notice the flash of my sisters cameras. We were still at school saying goodbye to our friends who we wouldn't see again until college or ever.

Me and Phil were at the top of our class. As Dan was older than Phil by a year, he had graduated with the class of 2018. Dan had come to our graduation and he had a little surprised planned for Phil. Our whole class knew so it was no surprise when Dan had walked up on stage as Phil's name was called to get his diploma. Phil was really confused until our principal told him to look up at the screen. On the screen was a slideshow of Phan throughout the past 4 years and I could tell Phil was in the verge of tears. When he turned around Dan was on one knee.

"I know this is coming off as a shock, babe. I have loved you since you first stepped foot into this high school. It was one hell of a year for our friends and us. I don't really have words to explain how much I loved you then and how much I love you now for how much I will love you I'm the future. All i know is that my love for you is infinite. I want to grow old with you and I want to see you running around with our future kids. I want to experience the rest of eternity with you. So what I am asking is.... Will you marry me?"

Everyone was at the edge of their seats waiting for Phil to answer. It was so quiet until someone in the crowd yelled "OMG SAY YES PHIL"

He had tears running down his face and he yelled "OMG YES DAN YES. I love you"

The whole crowd screamed and the principal congratulated them.  
************

Casp and I are going on a date so he told me to dress casual. After getting dressed, we were sat in his car on the way to our destination.

We were at the beach and no one was insight. He set up a little picnic for us in the shade where we couldn't be seen just incase people decided to show up. We're sitting here watching the sunset as we eat some pie.

"Babe, I have a present for you"

"You didn't have to Casp"

"Yes I did. I love to shower you with gifts babe."

"I know but I don't want you wasting your money on me"

"It's not wasting money. Anyways here's your present."

I open up the little box to see a silver band with the words "Always and forever" engraved on the outside.

I look up at Caspar.

"This isn't a proposal because I don't think we're ready just yet. It's a promise ring. Maybe I'll propose in a couple of year but babe. I love you and I will never stop. You are my everything. You are the light in the dark. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and with this promise ring, I promise to always protect you. I promise to always be by your side. I promise to keep that beautiful smile on your gorgeous face. I promise to love you always and I promise that we will get married eventually."

Casp slides the ring onto my finger and shows me his ring.

I have tears in my eyes but I kiss him. He deepens the kiss and I slowly move into his lap. We were having a hot make out session and I was getting hard. We stopped for a few minutes just so we could pack up and go to his house.

I swear when he was horny, he would always be in a hurry to take me to his house. Not complaining though. We have the best sex, tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys. So as you can tell by the title, this is the last chapter of this book. Thanks to everyone who has read, voted (kudos) and commented. Let me know if you want another Jaspar fanfic or any other ship besides larry and troyler


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